Deprived of parental attention, children lie, abuse & bunk school

Pune: Nuclear families, with two working parents, are a modern-day reality either due to professional aspirations or economic compulsions. However, an unfortunate fallout of this trend is many young children feeling neglected, which often is manifested in extreme attention-seeking behaviour.

Some of them lie, cook-up stories, while others fake illness, only to garner attention from busy parents. Recently, a Class III student fabricated a story of his own attempted kidnapping near his school in the Camp area. Elsewhere, a Class VII student, who suffers from asthma, called his mother at the workplace and hang up after telling her that he was suffocating and was unable to breathe.

"The alarmed mother tried calling the child back, but she could not get through. She then got in touch with the neighbours and requested them to check on her son. But when the neighbours rang the calling bell, nobody opened the door. When the mother was informed, she rushed back home only to find her son casually watching television," said Kalyani Bahbad, a city-based counsellor. "On being questioned by the mother, the boy said he just wanted to meet either her or his father. In fact, the child even asked her why they (the parents) could not take time off work for him; and why they only spent time with him when he was unwell," Bahbad revealed.

Anuradha Sahasrabudhe, the director of Dnana Devi Childline, shares several other chilling accounts. "We found a child who had run away from home only to scare the parents, as they were not paying adequate attention to the child. Another time, we got a call about a young girl who was found at a small railway station close to Pune. When we met the girl, she confessed that she had run away from home because her parents did not allow her to wear Western clothes. She belonged to an upper-middle-class farming family. After a fight over this matter, she ran away from home," Sahasrabudhe said, and added, "A lot of children are running away from home for a variety of reasons including lack of attention, fights with parents and sometimes even as a joke. Once a Class IX student ran away because his parents didn't approve of his 'love.' In such cases, the children want to teach the parents a lesson."

Incidents like this underline the need for parents to spend quality time with their children and understand their needs. Manish Bajpayee, a child psychologist, said he has seen children adopt unruly behaviour, bunk classes and even abuse their parents due to lack of attention.

Sahasrabudhe believes being busy cannot be an excuse to neglect children. "Devoting time to a child is a parent's duty. It is more important than attending a meeting at work. Children today are exposed to crime shows, and these shows can give them all kinds of ideas. It is important that parents spend quality time with the children and ensure that such behaviours and activities are deterred," she said.

Bhabad added, "Parents must understand children's needs, and decide if their demands are logical or not. If the demands are illogical, the parents must counsel the child. It all boils down to how much quality time the parents are willing to spend with their children. Even if both parents are working and can give the child only one hour each day, they must ensure that 100% of their attention is on the child. They must also pay attention to details like what the child is doing in his/her spare time, the exposure to the social media/television and the company of other children. Unrestricted access to crime shows on television should be avoided," Babad said.

Meanwhile, Bajpayee said parents should first try to be their children's friends. This would help the parents understand why the child is behaving in a certain way, instead of letting the child drift away.