Do kids lie for night out in Bengaluru?

BENGALURU: Bengaluru has an exciting nightlife and, despite the worry of most parents, adolescents are largely kept out of it. This is thanks to vigilant parents, but worryingly nearly 40 per cent of the children would lie to have a night out even when they are scared of the consequences of being found out.
We conducted a quick survey, among 100 respondents between 13 and 17 years, and the children said that they would like a more honest and friendlier relationship with parents. They are scared that the truth of what they do would invite beatings and scoldings.  

Getting caught and consequences

Out of the 100 students, 46 say they do get permission to go out after 7 pm, while 52 said they don't and two of them say they sometimes are allowed to go out. Out of these, 38 say they have to lie to their parents and 62 say they don't lie because they see no point in it, since they won’t be given permission whatever be the reason.

We asked the students whether they've got caught when they make excuses to their parents to go out at night. Out of the hundred, 20 said they've been caught, and 80 said that they hadn't - not because they've come up with the most ingenious excuse, but because they don't get permission to go out (and get caught).
In our survey, we asked the students what the most common consequences are when they do get caught for going out or lying. The top three consequences are getting beaten by their parents, scolding or taunting and confiscating of gadgets like PlayStations or phones.

'Ma, going to friend's house for combined

The most common excuse students use is that they are going to a friend's house or meeting up with friends for combined studies. Apart from that, birthday parties, group assignments and projects, special/extra classes, compulsory school fest or seminars and traffic are some of the other excuses used.

Students want healthy child-parent rela

We asked the students what and how they think trust can be built between them and their parents, and most said they want a healthy relationship with their parents. For this, they say that a non-judgemental attitude and a friendly approach from the parents' side will help build trust. More than half of the students say that they wish their parents would speak to them in a manner that is not intimidating or frightening. They say they constantly fear being hit or scolded. (Inputs from Zoya Nasir, Siddiqua Riyaz, Dhariniya Ganesharaja, Rohini and Aparna)

Worried about children's safety: Parents

'When with friends, they indulge in stupid things'

The reason we don't allow our kids to go out for a night out is because it's not safe, and moreover, when they are with friends, they indulge in stupid things. We've heard so many incidents where friends have only harmed their friends, this makes us even more protective. We try making our kids understand our situation, and if they don't agree, we'll have to be strict with them." -  Iqra Moin, a homemaker.

'Kids should be mature enough to judge right from wrong'

If my kids want to go for a night out, I make sure that I drop them off to their friends place, and also make sure that there is somebody responsible with them.This is the time for our kids to have fun and create memories - too much protectiveness from our end should not leave the kids frustrated. We should bring them up in such an environment where they are mature enough to judge right from wrong, and should feel free to discuss things with their parents." - Nasreen Banu, mother of a 15-year-old.

'Most common excuse is group studies/project'

I do give permission at times to my son, but it depends on where, why and with whom he is going. And when we do not give permission, it is because it isn't safe and we are worried. We should have a friendly, trusting relationship with our kids so that they express their views and problems. They should not lie and hide things from us.The most common excuse used by my son is group studies and project work. - Rajeev Kumar (name changed), father of a 14-year-old. 

'Parents should give more freedom'
"Going out with friends is not a big deal, and parents need to be open- minded and at the same time watchful. Parents can't be friends with their kids, but they can at least have a friendly approach towards them. Teenagers (13-17) don't have enough reasoning capacity as yet, and think that parents are their biggest enemies, so it is important that parents are less strict and give them enough freedom, while
maintaining a healthy parent- child relationship where there is enough trust," says Sadiqua (a counselor at Blue Nile counseling).