What we won’t do for some drama in our lives. We’ll willingly accept the inane premise that a band of men, intrepid though they may be, would stick their hand into the crocodile’s maw just to pluck a tooth for the purpose of show-and-tell. We’ll believe that they had an actual plan for how to defy death and pluck the tooth out using tweezers. We'll go along as the tooth ends up magically presenting itself to them, conveniently extracted and innocuous. Thank ‘Deus’ he can come out of his ‘Machina’ and save the day as many times as weak plot points come undone.
We will bite down on our pillow and wallow in a pool of suspended disbelief as a creature who can freeze souls over pretends to be thwarted by thin ice. We will squeal in delighted horror as a blue-eyed polar bear ravages members of a scouting party that didn’t bother to anticipate such attacks in a land of the dead, and pretend like we haven’t seen The Revenant. We’ll gasp reflexively on cue as music and slow-motion fuse to pay homage to the fifth death of the episode; the first four didn’t matter, since there were no cue cards telling us how to respond (and besides, gravitas belongs towards the end of the episode, silly billy. It’s called cinematic structuring for maximum payoff. Just let the showrunners tickle you adeptly with their tropes and storytelling gambits. Ok?).
To be fair, D.B. Weiss and David Benioff don’t seem to be completely lacking in self-awareness. They seem to acknowledge that the show is, at this point, like a prodigal son coasting on the world his father George R.R. Martin had built with painstaking consistency and cogency. And by way of regret, they have Beric Dondarrion (Richard Dormer) and Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) enact a sly self-referential conversation while trudging across the most beautifully hi-def sun-kissed snowy terrain. Jon wonders why the Lord of Light revived him, and what he wants from him (sort of like how we wonder why they are on this illogical foolhardy trek, and what the showrunners want from us). And in his baritone tenor that belongs in the aural backdrop of a nature documentary, Beric explains that they are soldiers whose purpose is to defend the defenceless (sort of like how we are show-consumers whose purpose is to defend the show’s indefensible inconsistencies and feign credulity): “Maybe we don’t need to understand any more than that… I don’t think it’s our purpose to understand.”
Apparently, neither does Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) think it her purpose to understand fully before issuing death threats. Driven by pure immutable antipathy towards elder sibling Sansa (Sophie Turner), Arya assumes the role of judge, jury and executioner — and it’s strange; you can tell she understands that Sansa didn’t write that dodgy letter on purpose, but is unwilling to let logic deter her from her more visceral urge to nurture acrimony with her sister. It’s possible that she is second-guessing Petyr Baelish (Aidan Gillen) himself, feigning antagonism with Sansa to make him think his plan to sow discord has worked, before she goes on to pull the rug from under his feet. Which would be brilliant. Maisie has developed this ominous way of speaking, beady-eyed and expressionless except for a mild grimace for emphasis. Sophie too, taught well by Littlefinger, has in her turn infused a menacing drawl into her voice, equally coy and unfazed. Beautiful acting really.
But more disturbing is Sansa deciding to despatch Brienne of Tarth (Gwendolyne Christie) off on her behalf to King’s Landing. Highly spurious. What is this tea-party Queen Cersei has supposedly called at this apocalyptic hour? Did Sansa forge that missive from the capital just to get rid of noble Brienne while she plans to attack Arya? Can’t wait for the finale to round off this plot thread. Anyway, the best news from Winterfell was that Podrick Payne (Daniel Portman) has become a competent swordsman. Maybe Brienne and her squire will face some danger on the Kingsroad and we’ll get to see the newly minted warrior in action.
Although, too much manufactured action-for-action’s-sake is what this episode suffered from, really. This is where Game of Thrones, the show, has lost the plot. While it has imbibed all the techniques of misdirection, shock and awe, gratuitous violence, pithy dialogue, and period realism from the books, it has for a while now been resorting to deploying these winning tropes for their own sake. It needs to show death and brinkmanship. But it can’t afford to sacrifice mainstay characters, because TRP (have you noticed how few main characters have died since the show defected from the books?). So, best include random extras as part of the retinue to get killed. Tippler Thoros (Paul Kaye), the most dispensable of the lot, serves to be the emotional loss.
And as for brinkmanship, let’s have the Night King aim for the moving target, the lesser dragon, rather than the much closer, stationary Drogon, who is also carrying the main protagonists. Till now, the Night King’s languid nonchalant demeanour had served to enhance his aura of dread, but to have his slow-moving gait let main characters escape from his cud-chewing clutches is just venal on the showrunners’ part. Well, maybe he’s just more secure now he has an ice-dragon. Also, why does neither faction have bows and arrows that can hurt an enemy across a distance? Because that would preclude the very rationale for the tense standoff? Also, seven men cannot conceivably hold off a chaotic horde of the undead unless they come at them conveniently one at a time, like faithful villain extras. I can just about buy this from Indian cinema. I have to click my tongue when GoT resorts to such farcical devices.
Of course, we’re distracted by the sheer camerawork – be it Viserion’s crash-and-burn into shuddering ice, the erratic cutaways of the clash spattered with blood and corpse-goop, the ratcheting panic as a murderous bear appears and disappears into the blustering mists – and Daenerys Targaryen’s (Emilia Clarke) spiffing new winterwear. Cold though her logic may be, her heart is melting for Jon Snow. For all her sermonising against heroism, she promptly belies her beliefs and traipses off to answer Jon’s distress call against Tyrion Lannister’s (Peter Dinklage) pleas for sanity (the poor little man can’t seem to catch a break as chief doormat). And I wouldn’t bet against more ‘Targaryen’ incest before the season ends (wink wink).