Books are the best means to know how a society and its inherent equations are evolving. Take for instance our increasing dependence on maids. It reflected in the recent skirmish in Noida where a crowd of maids and their family members forcefully entered a residential society after an alleged dispute over payment of salary. With both sides presenting a different picture of what led to violence, it reflects the changing relationship between a domestic help and an employer Two recent publications, “Maid In India” by Tripti Lahiri (Aleph) and Payal Kapadia’s “Maidless In Mumbai” (Bloomsbury), analyse the growing chasm in maid-madam relationship in different ways.
Lahiri’s non-fictional account captures the complex and troubling relations between the help and and those they serve and how it has changed over the years. She traces how women make their way to Delhi and Gurugram and the situations they face and where they land up finally. “Apart from the places these women were leaving behind, I wanted to report on and think about how we, as Indians, treat and should treat other people who are part of the same society but have less than us.” This she does by ably narrating stories of maids and chronicling how a large number of them suffered insult, overwork and different types of abuses. She also tracks down a few lucky ones who land at good homes, where they are taken care of and their dependants are provided opportunities and facilities to join white collar section.
Kapadia’s novel is a humorous take on a working woman struggling to get a maid and retaining them while juggling between work and home. Though a fictional account, it mirrors different dimensions of the maid-madam relationship. The trigger for her novel was this relationship being on the cusp of change. Describing it as a natural transition, she says, “I wanted to poke fun at the shifting nature of this relationship, and how landmine-ridden it can be in the face of such dramatic social change. On the one hand less women want to work as maids and on the other more and more urban, educated women are making the choice to work outside their homes. With fewer maids, is it any wonder that the modern memsahib is in mortal fear of her maid leaving? I thought it was both tragic and comic.”
Explaining this over dependence, she points out, “Working women are moving away from their extended families and giving up on their support that family members can provide and thus they need a maid.”
Class difference
Given the fact that there is increased dependence on maids, their treatment still reflects the class difference. The family eats first, they have their food later in separate cutlery, if employer sits on chairs they on the floor, and usually their living quarters are small and dingy. Calling this phenomenon as a “us versus them attitude”, Kapadia observes, “It is two classes, two worlds coexisting in the same house which is condemnable reality of our times.”
What is worse is the abuse the maids suffer at the hands of the employer as is evident from several cases being reported by the media. Lahiri, in her book, describes the cases such as that of Fullin who was found with swollen ears, bruises and bald patches on her head. Stating that such extreme cases are hard to understand, Lahiri feels the less-than-respectful attitude of employers can be traced to social roles. “In India, social roles make it more likely that affluent people who lose control will direct their rage at someone less powerful, not more powerful. People treat the help as some sort of an outlet valve for their frustrations. They know they can get away with that, just as they know they can’t get away with, say, shouting at their boss when they’re fed up at work, or their landlord.”
What is amazing is that this behaviour percolates to children too. It is not uncommon to see caretaker maids being insulted and hit by their wards. “Children are very malleable and finely-tuned to social differences. If a child in India is rude to their caretaker, it’s because they’ve seen that from their parents or the parents of their friends,” comments Lahiri.
With education, empowerment and awareness reaching this among the maids and their family, cases of confrontation and conflict are on the rise. For instance recently a violent crowd descended on a housing complex in Noida to trace a maid working there, who had been accused of theft by her employers. Lahiri views it “as a reminder of how sahibs, memsahibs and maids sometimes seem to be living in alternate realities.” She goes on to add that, “the account of either side is entirely plausible. Of course, thefts by helpers do happen, and of course employers fly into a rage when workers demand past dues, and then accuse them of stealing when they quit.” Adding that it is hard to know what actually happened, she says, “the neighbours of the maid clearly were afraid something terrible had happened to her. The kind of fear grips a society, also tells a lot about social relations. The fear of an Indian woman who starts feeling uneasy when a car starts driving slowly alongside her may be unfounded in any particular instance — but the fact that fear is commonplace can tell you a lot about India.”
Reverse transgression
Similar to the increased violence against domestic help, there is a spurt in reverse transgression with many elderly people dependent on helps being robbed and killed. Believing that it is more common place for workers to be transgressed against, Lahiri avers, “Crimes do happen the other way too. It is difficult to say whether it is an expression of some kind of rebellion against inequality or a crime of opportunity or a mix of the two.”
Stating that domestic labour needs to be given the social respect and legal rights they deserve, Kapadia says, “We need to pay maids well, ensure their working conditions are fair and stop treating them like modern slaves.” But what about instances when despite all this, maids tend to hold their employers to ransom by demanding exorbitant pay and too many holidays as depicted in her story. “Of course, they do as it is very simple equation with demand for a reliable maid far outstripping the supply. We’re the ones who can’t do without them – the finger of blame points right back at us.”
This utter dependence can be checked feels Kapadia. “We need more equal sharing of domestic responsibility by spouses and raise our children to be more independent.”