Met Gala 2017: Red carpet arrivals

This is exactly what I would do at a $30,000-a-head dinner held in one of the world's best art galleries - hang out in the bathroom. While these millennials live it up, I'm calling it a day. Thanks for joining me. See you on the Met steps next year.

Zoe Kravitz, thanks to Oscar de la Renta, smuggled in Dickie Knee.

Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen didn't have time to change out of their Civil War reenactment costumes.

​Lily Aldridge, in Ralph Lauren, channelling her inner Merlin from Big Brother.

Zendaya and Dolce & Gabbana took the opportunity to unveil the new cast of Madagascar 4.

Ruby Rose made her Met Gala debut in 345,980 cuttlefish bones by Burberry. 

I prefer what she was doing last year...

Clean-eater Gwyneth Paltrow, in Calvin Klein, came as a sugared almond for her return from Met Gala exile since she called the event "unfun" in 2013.

Katie Holmes, in Zac Posen, hasn't encountered this many ruffles since she tried to quit Tom Cruise and Scientology.

Model Ashley Graham came as a deconstructed jam donut by H&M. Simply delicious.

Miranda Kerr, representing Oscar de la Renta, dressed as a piece of public art from Gunnedah.

Someone needs to tell Emmy Rossum her Carolina Herrera hernia is leaking.

Bella Hadid in an Alexander Wang compression stocking.

Topshop has released a line of hypothermia blankets as seen here on Sofia Richie (she's Lionel's youngest daughter FYI).

These two are the James Ashby and Pauline Hanson of the celebrity world, confused and desperate.

I was wondering where the Fruit Loops toucan was. Unfortunately he's been sacrificed by Donatella Versace for Blake Lively's train.

I hope J.Lo did a patch test before pulling on this Valentino number, her skin isn't used to being encased in so much fabric.

She's come as a couch before so dressing in a fitted bed sheet by Vivienne Westwood isn't a stretch for Kim Kardashian's Met Gala imagination.

Caroline Kennedy, in Comme des Garcons, is set to star in the new off Broadway show, R2D2 Does Chelsea Flower Show.

The last time I saw this look it was on the bathroom floor of my hotel room at Schoolies after a night of imbibing carrots and Riccadona Asti. However I much prefer it on Julianne Moore.

Has Ossie Ostrich aged well? So nice of Chrissy Teigan, in this Marchesa homage to Hey Hey It's Saturday, to take him out tonight.